Friday, April 30, 2010

Zachary Predicts: Gulf Oil Worst Disaster So Far

Mark my words: that oil spill in the gulf will turn out to be the worst natural disaster in the memory of anyone on facebook. Chernobyl? Valdez? Three Mile Island? The army spraying S. marcescens over San francisco? The army creating earthquakes at Rocky mountain Arsenal in 1961? The fire in the Pennsylvania mine burning since 1961? The Buffalo Creek disaster?

No. None of them will stack up to the gulf oil flood of 2010. The media is reporting it, but nobody has yet given it credit for how fucked up it is and will be.

Like I said, mark my words. I don't make bold statements about future stuff often, but here I am, doing just that. The oil "spill" (really, it's more of a flood than a spill) which has begun under the BP rig these past few days will be the worst environmental disaster we've seen to date.

Actual Census Taker

farking crazy. I could not make this shit up if I tried. I just a call from the Census people. They were doing some kind of straightforward, no-nonsense survey. My surveyor (a Miss Joyce, if I remember correctly) came out with the following gems:
"Asheville! I've been there. I went to the Biltmore House. That place is haunted. After I got my photos developed, you could see ghosts, people with just eye sockets and jawbones and their guts hanging out. I could have sold them to the National Enquirer, but I was too scared. I just burned them!" and,

"I've been on this earth for 40 years, and I see trend, people are getting much less friendly. It's a problem in America. The other races are infiltrating because the white race has gotten so unfriendly, and they don't work together anymore. That's why all the other races are taking over."

I'm not fucking kidding you. There was another one, too, something about knowing to trust in god, but my mind was reeling and I was trying to scribble down enough notes to preserve the two quotes above. I shit you not. Those are near verbatim quotes from the Census taker, over the phone, just two minutes ago.